The Q&A Queerzine

By Kaitlin Rikala

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unhappy relationship (could be familial, romantic, or the narrator’s feelings towards themselves depending on how the story is read)

I hate you so much, with that look in your eyes 
when you’re seeing red and the world doesn’t exist 
outside of what you believe 
is so real in your head. I hate you 
when rupturing mosquito bites are more rapturous than loving 
me in a bed where I feel safe. 

I hate you when I’m not enough. 
I hate you. I hate you when the spider 
web is close and creeping in. 
I hate you when the sun slopes down 
on the neighbors house/territorial lamp shade. 

I hate you when the world is taller 
than what you ordered. 
A lack of expectations would be preferable (vice versa). 
I hate you in the summer.
When the simmering of my not enough over takes 
your mind and changes the chemistry of your blood. 

I hate the heart that beats in my chest 
while I stand above ground and wish for collapse.

I hate you when the flag waves 
in the wind and fireworks whistle past my ears. 
I hate you when the bunny rabbit 
thumps past and the wheel on my bike is flat. 

I hate when the chickadee hops. I hate 
the smell of fresh cut grass and resentment. 

I hate going in separate directions at the same time.

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Kaitlin ‘Mouse’ Rikala (they/them) is a 24 year old that graduated from the University of Wisconsin Eau Claire with a bachelor of arts degree in both art history and creative writing. They are graduating from the University of Chicago in June of 2023 with their master’s degree. Their work has been featured in the literary magazines None of The Above, Angel Rust Magazine and New Note Poetry, among other places. Find out more at https://kaitlinrikala.wixsite.com/website.

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